Thoughts on Steroids, Aesthetics and the Douchebag Revolution

I was once one of those guys that would spend a day in the living room with his best friends, make some snacks and enjoyed the all-mighty entertaining TV.

Nothing felt more comfortable than being careless, turning off the outside world and grabbing a tissue-box while watching House & Grey’s Anatomy – half-serious about the tissue box.

I used to love to stay updated with the latest TV-shows so I’d have an fun topic to discuss in a conversation.

Making-fun and gossiping about celebrities is what us humans love to do. It makes us feel in control of our reality and connects us with people who share similar opinions. Also, only under moderation, it feels good to  confess falling in love with a celebrity on the other side of the world that doesn’t even know you exist – I said you, cause I’m pretty sure Jessica Biel and all the celebrity hotties  have a crush on me.

Until one faithful day that I started watching the Jersey Shore.

I don’t need to explain the show itself, I’ll just assume all my readers are cool people that kept up-to-date with the latest kid fads – if you don’t know what it is, shame on you.  Just Google the images and you’ll have a good idea of the show’s concept without even watching 1 episode.

It was a REVOLUTIONARY show. Now, the Jersey Shore fad is far-gone and GODDAMN I’m glad it’s over.

No seriously, I’m happy for the fact that since its existence took place, the ratio of kids hitting the gym increased dramatically.  It put some awareness of the fitness industry, increasing dramatically the need for people to stay in shape and my ratio of having a job 🙂 –  Yes, I use emoticons when I’m happy and I pity the fool who doesn’t show his!

But like any idiotic fad, it has it’s LONG LISTS of downsides.  Lets look at some of them:

-First, it brought the need to certain people to post on Facebook every single second when they hit the gym.

I don’t hate that, but I have this gut feeling that I should be inventing a device that stabs anybody through their computer screen that uses the term GTL as a comment when they check-in.

People which have added me on their Facebook know I do check-in every now and then, but I use this smart guideline that you should religiously follow.

Side note: if you didn’t like my fan page yet, what are you waiting for?! hint: you have to click like.

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Let’s make things clear, NEVER CHECK-IN AT THE GYM THROUGH FACEBOOK, unless you meet the following criteria:
– You achieved something new that you should be really proud of
– Haven’t been a while at the gym so it makes you feel good
– If you’re my client under obligation of posting your Gps’d Runs in order to avoid my puke-o-cardio  – I push my ELITE clients with that, thus explains why they eat SUCCESS for breakfast. True story.

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-Second, the people using a whole bottle of hair-gel when they go out are only asking to be ridiculed or have their hair used as a marsh mellow melting stick.

Research from the American Association of Dermatology (AAD) states the following:
“Frequent bleaching or permanents can cause the hair to break. Regular or improper use of dyes, gels, relaxers, and hair sprays also can cause hair breakage”

If you don’t wish to go bald, stop with the f*king hair-gel abuse. A proper, healthier and classy alternative would be hair wax. If you’re not pulling on your roots to make some outdated dino-like spikes, you’re safe. Make sure you know about it.

– Third, hardcore tanning will only lead people to questioning if you rolled in a bag of Doritos or suffer from a terminal illness.

Research did show excessive exposure will cause skin disease, including cancer. An SPF cream will not even help you on high-concentrations of UV rays, but you’re all cool dudes and know about that already, right?

I like to tan once per 2 weeks to keep my serotonin production going and have a more defined look on my muscles. That doesn’t make me a Doritto lover, nor a fried chicken wanna-be. Tanning has a HUGE LIST of benefits and if you keep it moderate; your skin and BRAIN will thank you.

Last but not least, the use steroids in order to have a shortcut to being beach ready is the WORST idea I ever heard.

Most of these kids don’t take into account the health risks, didn’t do their research on post-therapy and liver care, don’t know that steroids only work well with a proper training and nutrition program; and worst of all, they think they look AESTHETIC!  – bad idea guys, most of my female clientele swear to their grave that they think it’s a nasty look. Bummer for your plastic bazookas.

You will only achieve a Calvin Klein body with hardcore sweat and tears. There’s no shortcuts here.

I’m a hard-worker, informed and still too YOUNG to be using steroids.

I chose to go natural in order to compete for my first bodybuilding show in October, hence the sign up to the International Drug Free Association. Some people like to jump ahead and claim I took gear (steroids in the bb community), but the answer is NO – I’d be automatically disqualified in the competition , but I’ll take it as a  compliment.

Steroid use is a big topic that’s been coming across on my path to being one of the best fitness pros, so let’s be serious for a second. I did a lot of research on gear and know my way around the topic as any fitness pro should know and let’s put this on record:

I don’t judge people who use drugs or performance enhancers! Some know what they are doing and made their decisions wisely; and I respect that.

But if you’re not competing in a bodybuilding show; or you’re not over 25 , didn’t do your research and you didn’t reach your genetic potential, you’re just wasting your money and fucking up with your life.

Most of the people that started using steroids don’t have a proper training and nutrition program and didn’t hit the gym constantly for at least 5 years. I don’t even understand how they could complain that they are not getting the results they wanted!

Steroids don’t solidify your results without those two fundamentals, so why would you want to pump up for a few weeks, only to look like a toothpick after? Not to mention all the cholesterol elevation risks, hormone imbalancing, (insert long list of side-effects here) and just looking like a straight a douche in the fitness industry because you’re a whiny bitch looking for a shortcut.

Now that we got that cleared up, we can finally hit the biggest issue with that Jersey Shore fad:

Calling everybody that takes-care of themselves “douchebags” raised to an exponentially-annoying level!

Thank you all mighty guide to detecting a douche!

Seriously, since JS came out, it’s incredible how fast you can get classed as a douche.

When people see someone who takes care of themselves, they automatically push upon them a douchebag reputation.

I don’t mind being called a douche for taking care of myself, but if in those people’s minds,  working hard to show love to myself by keeping a proper hygiene, style and health  will classify me as a douche, seriously I will tell them that I’m a world-class douchebag.

V-necks and classy hairstyles are not douchy, taking them to an extreme is. A real douchebag will be conceited, not care about anything but people admiring his guns, hence those people are just typically straight-assholes or insecure children.

People shouldn’t avoid the gym by risk of getting called douchebags. Actually, the benefits of hitting the gym are incredible.

I could write a complete blogpost about its benefits and how awesome fitness is for your life…but wait I actually did.

>–click here to read it–<

What really bothers me though, is that I’m an intellectually oriented person  and I have a hard time believing that people that are smart enough to know what it takes to make it into this world have to be classified in the same category as conceited assholes.

If you cannot make the difference, you’ll probably be more of a douchebag than me for trying make yourself feel better that, in reality,  you’re being lazy and not taking care of yourself – you can say touché now. But since I know my audience is just awesomely awesome people, it should not concern you and you should know I love you with all my heart (this is the part where you write a smiley face and you go awwwnn)

Conclusion: Don’t be a douche and learn how to love yourself without worrying about being judged.